Breathless
by I'dBeDelighted
Summary: Musings on William from Julia's journal. I may add more over time.
1. Electric

**Electric**

My first week at the morgue is finally over, quite the experience I must say. Most of the detectives appear to be dimwits, I'm surprised they close any cases, or at least with the correct result. They all warned me of a Detective Murdoch from Station House 4, saying things like pompous, arrogant, superior, and making disparaging remarks about his 'new-fangled ideas.' "Watch out for him," they all told me. Today I was called out to my first case for SH4; as I arrived I saw a man disappear into a carriage and the constable told me he was Det. Murdoch. I was somewhat relieved that I'd missed him given the warnings I'd had. I accompanied the bodies back to the morgue and as I was writing my preliminary observations someone walked in; I didn't look up until he was standing by my desk. When I finally did look up I was faced with the most HANDSOME, YOUNG man I've ever seen! He held out his hand as he introduced himself and as I shook it it was like a bolt of electricity shot through my entire body! I've never felt anything like it before. I have to admit he didn't make a good first impression in any other way and I'm not sure if the other detectives weren't correct but I cannot get Det. Murdoch—or his effect on me—out of my mind, my body is still tingling. I wonder when I'll see him again!


	2. Almost

**Almost…**

Tonight I decided to go for a walk before bed. As I was walking on the green I was happy to see William staring up at the stars. He was completely unaware as I approached him and I was somewhat self-conscious as I'd already let my hair down and wasn't really dressed for company. As I apologized for my appearance he said my hair looked quite lovely and I was emboldened to ask him if he'd like to walk with me. We made our way to the bandstand and sat talking. I could feel myself being drawn to him and it seemed he was drawn to me, we were just about to lean in and I swear he would have kissed me—if I hadn't kissed him first—but that darn sound overhead! Oh to have another opportunity outside of work to be alone with William like this.


	3. Finally

**Finally!**

William asked me out to dinner tonight!

We went to the park and had a picnic that William had packed. I was surprised he'd included Absinthe but he suggested we conduct an experiment related to his latest case. It's obvious that William doesn't imbibe often, it didn't take much to loosen him up but oh how I enjoyed seeing the man he could be. We talked and laughed all evening until he suddenly stopped and commented that he was disappointed, not one green fairy. I don't know what came over me, I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, he leaned in to me as if he was about to kiss me so I leaned in too and then it happened! It was such a brief but oh so sweet kiss. One kiss led to many and then we found ourselves lying on the blanket with William placing kisses all over me. It was obvious that the alcohol was having an effect on him, I had to slow things down before they got out of hand, reluctantly I might add. I now know what could be and I can't wait to have another evening with William. Perhaps without the alcohol next time so that we can truly enjoy each other. William is such a wonderful man and obviously keeps much of himself closed off. I need to find a way to release all that passion he hides so well. I saw another side of him tonight and I want to see it again…SOON.


	4. Breathless

**Breathless**

 _Whew! Take a deep breath Julia…_

The most surprising thing has just happened. I suggested the idea of bettering the human race was intriguing and William said the most uncharacteristic thing. He said it was like a prize stallion breeding a mare. But that wasn't the most surprising part, he said—and I quote, _"…not that that wouldn't be intriguing,"_ My senses heightening, I replied with "Husbandry has been practiced for centuries." With a grin on his face he replied _"Yes it has."_ Then he leaned closer towards me "I must be off" and with that and a seductive look he kissed me goodbye. Oh my! How my insides churned at just the thought of William finding such a subject intriguing and I'm thinking it wasn't the equine version he was intimating. Perhaps William really is a stallion after all, he didn't hold back that night in the park… The mere thought of making love to him has left me breathless. Who would have known that William Murdoch, the most pious, buttoned down, proper man could be so … _sexy_ —is that even a word? I don't know, but it certainly describes the feelings that went through me as he kissed me goodbye. This man has no idea what effect he has on me; perhaps it's good he left when he did, I don't think I could have kept my hands off him!

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Reviews always welcome and encouraged.


	5. Seduction

**Seduction**

I had a fantasy today, it was totally unacceptable for a woman engaged to be married; at least a woman engaged to a man that was NOT the object of my fantasy.

The man of my dreams was right in front of me, so innocent, so naïve, so totally oblivious of what was going through my mind. How can this man not know the effect he has on me? How can he not see how I long for him? Does he long for me as I long for him?

As I was explaining how Arlene Dennett had tried to seduce him I began to think about the very same thing. I don't know if I was actually saying the words or if I was just thinking them, I don't think William would ever have let on.

In my daydream William was suddenly taking me into his arms, lips on mine, and swirling me round, placing me on the desk and having his way with me. _Having his way with me_ , what an odd phrase, but that's exactly what I wanted him to do, right there, right then. He had ripped open my blouse and pulled up my skirt before removing his jacket then smothering me with kisses. I can only imagine what would have happened after that as Darcy walked into the morgue, suddenly waking me from my reverie.

I had a fantasy today...and I wish it had been real…

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Reviews always welcome and encouraged.


	6. The Future

**The Future**

"I think you should be with whom you wish when it begins."

I was shocked, but I didn't think twice. I quickly changed into my most elegant gown and dashed to the Policeman's Ball hoping to get there before midnight. As I neared the doorway I thought, ' _what if he isn't here?'_ I crept to the door and peeked in. I didn't see him immediately so entered the room but then faltered, ' _what if he is here but doesn't want to see m_ e _?'_ but I had to take the chance now, while I still had the courage. I wanted to begin the new year with the man I loved, the man I longed for every waking hour…the man I should have been with all along. He saw me before I saw him and was suddenly self-conscious. I approached and was suddenly self-conscious too and could only say "Hello William." He made small talk until I plucked up the courage to speak but then words failed me and I don't even remember what came out of my mouth. He looked away as if in disappointment but then confronted me, "You came here tonight to tell me that?" and I finally had the courage to say that Darcy and I had parted but then I became self-conscious again and once again words failed me until he affirmed, "You and Darcy have parted," then he told me that he _had_ seen the future and it was ME and then he kissed me, right in front of everyone at the ball, despite the scandal! We watched the fireworks then the ball was over. We gathered my cape and his overcoat and walked arm in arm until I realized I couldn't go home. Did I even have a home to go to? William suggested a hotel for the night and got me a room but, always the gentleman, I couldn't persuade him to stay. Oh how I adore this man with all my heart!


	7. Romantic Evening

**Romantic Evening**

After the embarrassing scene at the nudist colony yesterday afternoon I wouldn't have been surprised if William wanted nothing to do with me, so, when I got the call to meet him outside the Queen's Hotel I was most curious. I was late and he was obviously nervous and blurted out that he'd reserved a room in both our names at the hotel and we'd both sign the ledger. I was stunned, I told him I couldn't ask him to be involved in my divorce but he said he was involved. I reminded him that everyone would see us but that was his intention, I'd have everything I needed for my divorce. Oh how I love this man, he's willing to put his reputation at stake to be with me. I asked him if he was prepared to spend the night together and once again stunned me—he'd brought DOMINOES! There was no way I was going to play dominoes when I had the man of my dreams in the same room for the night. By now I knew that I couldn't persuade him to actually commit adultery but I didn't see why we couldn't at least have some fun.

…I'd done this many times before but he always seemed uncomfortable, removed my hand. This time he stood there, looking at me, not moving. I took his tie between my thumb and forefinger and ran them over the fabric, then lightly stroked his collar and back to the tie. I gave the tie a gentle tug and still he didn't move so I raised my other hand and started loosening it. Still he stared at me, not moving. I'd longed to remove his tie for years, I knew it was the cork in the bottle of champagne. If I could just get the tie off all his passion would cascade out and the real William would emerge; the William I knew was hidden deep inside—the William that was hungry, for me….

It's getting hot in here, I need to cool down before writing more.

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Reviews always welcome and encouraged.


	8. Excitement

**Excitement**

I was so happy when William said he would join me at the beach this evening, _for my safety_ … safety from whom?

When he stepped out of that change hut my heart skipped a beat. Not only that William Murdoch would actually strip down and wear a bathing suit but oh my, how he looked in it! Whew! I knew he must have a great body underneath that suit, it does hang well on him after all, but actually seeing it—well the shape of it at least—and those legs, cycling certainly looks good on him. Of course he was nervous about how he looked but I can assure him he doesn't need to be! I dragged him into the water and as soon as we were deep enough he wrapped me in his arms and pressed against me, oh the feel of his body next to mine, my head swirled and my insides flipped … and I _know_ he was excited too. There are some things even William Murdoch _cannot_ control! Then he whispered in my ear _"Show me your creature."_ William! He really does surprise me at times, I know there is another man underneath that façade of propriety and I fully intend to release him someday.

If only that body hadn't been in the water…

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xxx

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 _Show me your creature_ – I listened very carefully with volume turned up and headphones on _many times_ and I did hear this, then I found someone else had heard the same thing, confirming what I'd heard.

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Reviews always welcome and encouraged.


	9. Bliss

**Bliss**

Mrs. Murdoch, I'm finally Mrs. Murdoch… at least in private.

The wedding was perfect, even with the slight hitch, and we made it back to the reception in time to have our wedding waltz. All in all a wonderful day. But the pièce _de_ résistance was to come later when we got to the hotel. William swept me up into his arms and spun me into the room then we kissed… and kissed. It was such an exhausting day that we almost fell into bed but William wasn't done yet. I will remember our wedding night for the rest of my life. William ever the gentleman, never wanting to compromise me, compromised me with such skill and confidence that, well, all I can say is, I was shocked! This quiet, unassuming man had skills so well hidden that in all the years I've known him I would never have guessed. In fact, I'm wondering just _where_ he learned his technique…


	10. Appetite

**Appetite**

We were at Professor Aldous Lawrence's and he suggested we experience opium for ourselves. William was of course refusing and I could tell by his face he wasn't happy when I suggested a scientific experiment. Which reminds me of the last time William and I had a scientific experiment, with absinthe, William became quite amorous. It didn't take long before I felt the most delicious tingling in my body and it seemed like my senses were on fire. Unfortunately when I told William that I now understood how opium awakens an appetite he said he wasn't hungry in the slightest. Oh William! Of course I had to explain it to him and then he fully understood. He started kissing me and I thought I was in for another thrill, and in someone else's home despite Williams initial misgivings. That darned lamp! My attention was diverted and I stood to admire the dragon mural on the wall. William eased up to me and wrapped me in his arms, caressing me on the neck in the most sensual way. For a moment I thought we could return to our previous passions; until of course the detective once again took over as he realized he had a clue to the case….


	11. Resolution

**Resolution**

As 1904 comes to a close I've realized that William and I have allowed our relationship to become somewhat routine. Oh the passion is still there…underneath… but we haven't really been as outwardly romantic—other than that little fling in the tent a few months ago. I really do think I need to spice things up. So, my New Year's Resolution is to bring back the romance in our marriage. I will challenge William every week with something new and imaginative. Now I just have to figure out what!

Reviews always welcome and encouraged.


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